The shadow of my soul.

4’O AM

Today!  The D-day of mine. Oh yes! Myself Sagar, Going back to Delhi after a long vacation to Kerala the fascinating southern India with my close mates. Delhi, wow! Coming down to Delhi is always fascinating despite being a sinusitis, actually being in Delhi, the city always makes me feels like the city is yet to give me that big gem but watery heart on the same side too as this is my last semester of my University and as I am not within the top ten student of my university, I was sure that I won’t get admit to the university, Department of Biochemistry to pursue my master degree. I wanted to stay in Delhi  but with the pass of  my time in the city , I was getting  more deep to it but somewhere it was known to me that by the next month, I am suppose to leave this city and probably won’t  return again.

Hmm, I was going through a trauma, a trauma which although had a low potential difference but wander , You are kept inside a room and is given a shock of  low voltage for every second for four to five month , how it would be ? ... Yeah we everyone goes though the same trauma which keeps on knocking your brain every second by a horrible name called “ENTRANCE”. It could merely be an examination hall for those jewels of the nation inside a room but for me it was not a entrance hall, infect I could easily visualize above the hall door “Come and drill yourself honey” in all I got a voice from feared blood pumping machine, boy get a fixer on your bum to get attached on the chair of study table. This abide me to the chair and made me study for the coming month ahead within my whole nervous system prior to the exam.

Days of preparation:

It was the last semester, scorching heat of Delhi... the fortunate boys of the university as the girls were starving out the length of the cloth piece. But I was wandering sitting on the campus corridor with a plate of Momos (A steamed fast food with vegetables, paneer or chopped chicken pieces inside crescent shape dough)   , I wish I could too enjoy this same result of the heat like other people. Within that minute of time there comes a voice from beside “What the hell are you wandering about? This are just an illusion don’t fall for this, allow me to take you out of this illusion.

Me: But who are you?

Fairy person: Don’t worry I won’t hurt you, hold my hand.

Me: Are you someone to hypnotize me and take me to some other weirdo world, where the trees are like trapper, the water reservoir has some hidden demons like soldiers?

Fairy person: What do you think of yourself that you are so special or have some special powers that I would take you to some different world by hypnotizing you.

But yes you have some specialty that you need to recognize and reignite that  I am no one nor do anyone can recognize me apart from you , listen to me ,to  all my  words I won’t let you lose yourself, hold my hand “my friend”. You can trust me!

Me: OK! But, why do you want to help me?

Fairy person: Its simple I am not helping you, it’s you yourself who is helping you. As it is well said “God help those, who help them self! “

Me: OK! But where you are going to reside? I have no space in my room.

Fairy person: Don’t worry, I can dwell everywhere and anywhere.

Me: Oh! So you mean you are omnipresent?

Fairy person: Ha-ha! Good sense of humor. Keep it up! Well it’s high time I need to go somewhere as I am bound to the task of my life and I hope you will do the same.

Bye!

After he had left, I was left like a orphan in the middle of the campus with all other people like colourful except me who turned black-n-white. Suddenly I realized that I too have some job to do that I need to attend the classes for which I am in the campus, I ran-off toward my class room to attend the classes. For the first time I was like a very attentive student listening to each and every words of the lecturer. I was satisfied with the change that I had develop  by just a half-n-hour meet with that fairy person, I wanted to meet him again and develop more about the life and its task that had to be completed.

The day had ended with a fruitful result, I was walking back to my home with all those talks that we shared with each other, then suddenly I realized that am I giving more importance to a person who is Fairy to me and to whom no one could recognize, while thinking all those things and moving back to my home, I suddenly realized that I reached my home and was about to cross my home and enter my neighbor home. Then again a though dropped into my mind that did I got hypnotized that I am not completely upon myself. I was not feeling well. I ran off to my room to go for a sleep, Ramu kaka (A 50 year old person who had no one in his life was living with us; he was a very good cook. Everyone at the home used to love and respect him) saw me and he started calling me to have some food. I was disturbed I did not want to hear anyone’s voice I wanted a peaceful environment. Listening Ramu kaka to call me, my mother came to know that I had returned back at home. She came to my room to check me that what actually I am doing but she was surprised to find me sleeping like a dead person. She thought that I am not well, thinking that she called our family physician at home. Although I was in sleep but I could everything that were going around me. Dr. Mehta started checking my pulse and my heart beat rate, then he took out his favorite box to measure the pressure and finally he concluded that it was nothing but a mild stress, listening this I got stress free and was waiting everyone to leave my room. Now I was alone in my room and knowing that both my mother and Ramu kaka asleep I stated feeling more hungry. I came down stairs to the kitchen I opened the fridge and I was glad to find 3 slice of pizza and a quarter bottle of soft-drinks, Taking all those I was back to my  room, it was 5 pm in the evening, I was reading a novel and was enjoying my evening meal and was looking down my window that three street side teenage boys were fighting and snatching a half filled bred packet, seeing this I  astonished  that what life is trying to indicate me, am I in the wrong path or something wrong is going to happen, many thoughts at a time terrified me. Fortunately, I got a call from Rishab, my friend across the street.

Rishab: Hey! Sagar , are you at home? If you are, then shall we go for a pool match?

Me: (Thinking internally); “Yeah, I should go, I should pass some time with my friends so that I can get refresh and get rid of all this stress”.

Yeah! Hello Rishab, yeah don’t go alone; I will be there within 10 minutes, just wait for me.

Rishab: Yeah! Sure I will meet you at the corner of the stationary shop near to your home.

Me: okey! Cool I will be there within 10 minutes. Bye!

*phone hang up! 

 

The whole is going terrible isn’t it? A voice from the corner of the room. I replied with a baritone voice, yes but how do you know... I turned around to check, who asked me this question. But, there was no one, I was terrified and started to suspect that whether I am suffering any kind of hallucination or I am on my way to Schizophrenia. I turned myself and decided to go out and have some time with friends. I hooked up with my mates for the pool game but I was clear about the fact the something is on my way which is going to decide the fate of my life, because I was concern... after few minutes in the pool , I realized that the fairy person was just beside me watching everything I was doing.

I was tired to deal with it, I thought to share this with my best mate but didn’t wanted to convey myself as a insane. So I decided to come back to my room. I was standing all alone in the room with lights off. I felt him (fairy person) presence in the room. I asked him are you here? What have I done to you? Why don’t you leave me alone? A reply comes with the pity voice “Can you leave your mind?  Or you want to have a command on your mind?

I was perplexed by his words that what does this fairy person want to tell me? But I replied him as I cannot leave my mind so I would command my mind.

Fairy person: Commanding mind is commanding your brain, which means having the control over your brain followed by body which finally will make you to control all your thoughts and thus the soul. I know it sounds easy but trust me it is not as you see. If ones you can control your mind than no obstacles would ever come your way. Trust me. I mean my words.

Me: Really! If it is so than I need to follow the path which leads to it. I assure you that I will be no longer that 4’O clock guy hooked up within my comfort zone. Who never tried to see and stretch to get something, to achieve something, to make an extra-ordinary goal, to be a master piece for the generations to come, to inspire. I assure you to be the man who believes that “The purpose of life is life with a purpose” A maturity comes when you really want to feel life and get the close snap of it. A kick of life makes the mater piece and the success stories of the world. I know, my life is not going to a ready-made by my parents like my home and my luxuries. I know, I need to earn it. I need to burn myself to earn that, nothing is going to come at free. I need to push myself to the edge, need to drag myself out of my comfort-cave, I need to work on myself... while I was telling this all to him suddenly I realized that the fairy person was not anymore in the room and then...

I realized that whatever I was telling him was nothing new, I was aware of all this things since my maturity  and remembered his last words that “ I am not helping you , it is you yourself who is helping you” I smiled and saw that all we need is a propellant, a ignition at perfect time to get the jet-pace. Finally I realized this too that the fairy man was no one but my inner voice which was re-directing me to my goals and purpose; A way to go, a long way to go...